Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Crazy Days of Nicole
I feel that the world is spinning without me at times. I am trying to balance my husband, children and school. Studying takes a lot of time and sometimes I feel that I don't havbe the time to do it. I have so much to do during the day when my two oldest kids are at school, but I still have my two and one year old children who are very demanding. Not to mention the typical house cleaning(which I hate laundry) to do. Life seems to never give me a break I feel and sometimes I wish I could just say leave me alone. Since the loss of my mother on July 31, 2009 I have had so much trouble coping with life in general. SHe was my rock and go to person if I needed it and now she is gone. I had her there when I needed her and she tried so hard to help me to deal with being a mother and student and just life in general. SHe helped me so much and now that it is gone I am having trouble with it. I guess I need to step up and not feel so down all the time. Having my mother here one day and talkikg to her hours before she passed is hard. I had her close, I took care of her due to her illness and we were close. Taking her loss has been hard and very depressing. I think that I feel the way I do is because of losing her. I feel though as the days go on I will come around and have better things to say. I loved her and this will never change. Mom's are special and when you go through what I have been through with my mother you would understand where I am coming from. As my Dad says God will heal you and you need to pick up the pieces and live the wya they would have wanted you to live. I feel that expressing this someone else such as my followers and fellow classmates I will heal even quicker and my days will get brighter. So please don't find this to depressing but as a way for me to heal and have better days. I look forward to writing more for all to read such as stories about my children and the goofy things that they do and for instance me trying to plan a vacation for next month. Bless you all!
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It sounds like you had a wonderful mother who supplied you with a great example of how to be supportive.
ReplyDeleteYou said you think talking about your grief to your classmates will help you. Have you considered taking this a step further and looking up a support group? There has to be one in your area, and your husband can totally handle the kids for an hour or so a week while you go work on healing.
Hi Nicole, grief can take a long time. Take this from someone who knows. When my father passed away, he had been on dialysis for 7 years, and bedridden the last 6. My mother took care of him at our home, we had a hospital bed and a wheel chair to take him to dialysis every other day. I went to a grief counselor after my mother passed away. And it took me a long time, over 2-3 years. I just learned to live with my parents passing, you never get over it. (So if someone tells you to get over it, many people just seem to say the wrong thing, or they will say something hurtful, only due to they are at a loss). Until others have gone through a loss of one of their parents, or both, they really can't know how much you are hurting. Losing my parents was the worst times in my life, I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. The only consolation I have is that I know neither of my parents are suffering anymore. Just know you are loved, and she is watching over you now.
ReplyDeleteIf anyone understands you the most, it has to be me. I have been through a whole year of Kaplan, and still cannot find a way to balance everything in my life. One thing gets in the way of the other and that is so frustrating. Most of the time my husband and kids take priority, and that causes me to get so behind on school that I sometimes do not get school finished until the very last minute that we have to turn in our assignments. To add to all of that stress, I am moving into a new home and packing has killed me. I am sorry to hear about your mom. You seem like a very strong person and have many people who love you. Keep fighting through each and every day, and I promise you that you will continue to stay strong and have the will to move along. If you ever need anyone I am here for you. Just let me know.
ReplyDeleteI can understand what you are going through. I lost my father in April of 2007. Since then life has been a whirl wind. I moved to another state to take care of my mother who took the loss very hard and has health issues of her own. It is very hard to juggle everything. I think this blog is a good outlet so we can all support eachother in our struggles and journeys.
ReplyDeleteWhat a tender and sweet and honest post and lovely, thoughtful comments. I am so happy this blog is here, Nicole, and hope that you find some solace and support here. Writing through things is so wonderful---so therapeutic. I wish you peace as you go through this. We are all with you.
ReplyDeleteEveryone who has posten in regards to Crazy Days of NICOLE. Thank you. I appreciate everything that was said and it does help. I feel that each day that I get out of bed is a hurdle taken. I feel that this is struggle that will take awhile to get over, but I look forward to healing and living again the way she would have wanted me to....
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